Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Vacuum - A Metaphor?


Wednesday, October 14

Hello again. Today, once again, I wish to complain about the way you humans use your language. You use words or phrases that mean one thing to represent another idea altogether. I believe Stone refers to this as a metaphor.

We Varnark love chaos as long as it involves confusing everyone else. When you apply that chaos to us, we are completely lost. Humans using metaphors cause us to much chaos.

For instance, Stone told us the other day that his front door has this vacuum to it. Every time he opens it in the morning, it sucks that cat up to the screen door.

To test this, we set up instruments to check the variance in air pressure when he opens the door. As you know, a sudden lowering of air pressure causes a vacuum. We measured a small vacuum effect but conclude that it’s not enough to pull a sleeping cat off the top of a box on his front porch making him run into that screen door.

We did the calculations and came up to the conclusion that Stone did not know what he was talking about. So, this morning he invited us to watch. When he opened the inner front door, that cat slammed into the outer screen door.

This amazed us, but our instruments gave us the same reading it did before. That is when Stone told us about the use of a word or a phrase that means one thing but used to represent another. To clarify his point, he informed us that the phrase “The vacuum of opening the door sucked the cat up to the screen door” meant “The cat was so hungry that she ran to bounces against the screen door in hope that someone would let her in and feed her.”

I gather that this is some type of trained response. My question is “Why not say that the cat was hungry?” I do not think I like these so-called ‘metaphors.” They seem too confusing.

As for Stone and his ‘vacuum’ theory, myself, I think he’s a few pebbles shy of a full rock pile.

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