Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Halloween I

Wednesday, October 28

As you can see, this week has been dedicated to the human festival called “Halloween.” This celebration fits the Varnark psyche. When else can we gremlins of chaos, as Stone calls us, get to go out and pull pranks and scare people and not get in trouble for it?

After what happened last night, even though it was unintentional, I found myself interested in finding more of this Halloween jocularity. After talking the others out of binding, gagging and hanging me from a tree to use as a piƱata, I convinced them to join me in pulling a few pranks.

We found this small group of human younglings that Stone refers to as ‘teen-agers.’ They seemed to be picking at other younglings who came around. Their prank looked to be a great one. Three of them participated in the scare-fest. Two of the teen-agers went into the cemetery. One of them wearing a wolf mask and the other had this white sheet.

It amazed us that these boys managed to walk around without losing their pants. Thenal noted that these teen-agers couldn’t keep their pants pulled up like many others we came across.

Now, the object of the ruse tuned out to be other younglings who happened to be walking by. The one teen-ager invited his peers into a nearby cemetery saying that he had spotted a ghost. The others would not believe him. He got them into the cemetery by either piquing their interest or by daring them to enter.

First, three female younglings came by. Two of them seemed quite excited over the prospect of seeing a ghost but the third wanted nothing to do with it. Yet, they talked her into going into the Cemetery. The one wearing the wolf mask howled from behind some bushes and stuck his head around a bush and growled. The younglings stopped for a second. Then this white figure jumped out from behind a tree, yelled ‘boo,’ and grabbed one of the females. All three screamed for a second.

The three boys started laughing and one of the female younglings started slapping at them as she held her chest. The boy backed up while laughing when his pants fell to the ground. This stopped the female and she started laughing. Then they all had a good laugh and they parted ways. We got a good laugh out of how high the girls jumped when the so-called ghost jumped out and grabbed one of them.

Their next target looked to be a few years younger than the teen-agers. This time a group of five younglings came walking by. The teen-ager dared the younglings to enter the graveyard to find the ghost.

At this, the younglings walked toward the cemetery’s entrance. Then a ghostly howl sang out. The younglings froze in place. Then this figure in white came running out from behind bushes toward the group and they scattered. Younglings took off in all directions screaming.

We got a good laugh out of this prank as did the three teen-agers. The white figure removed his white cloth covering from over his head as another teen-ager came out from behind another set of bushes. They did a good scary job, but we felt that the job was not quite finished just yet.

As the boys sat down behind this giant stone, they laughed at the expressions on the other younglings’ faces. One pulled out a cigarette of some type as another picked up a bottle and drank from it. I gathered that they parked themselves here in order to scare others who happened to be walking by.

In a discussion earlier with Thenal, he asked what would these humans do if the pumpkin came to make people pies. This memory developed into an idea. Thenal and Omman agreed that we needed to pull this one on the three teen-agers.

They slipped into the cemetery and transformed into a pair of walking pumpkins with arms and legs, a face and sharp teeth. I transformed into a youngling of about the age of 8 years of age. As I walked down the street. The teenagers spotted me and prepared for their next victim.

The first teen-ager gave me the same spiel about the ghost that I saw him give the others earlier. Just as I was about to get to the cemetery, the boy behind the bushes began to howl then scream as he took off running. Behind him ran Omman snapping at the boy’s heals. He tripped as his shorts fell to the ground. Omman pounced toward the teen. The teen pulled his pants up and took off running before Omman could land on him.

Soon the boy that used that white sheet came running out with Thenal doing the same thing. He too tripped when his pants landed around his ankles.

While this was going on, I transformed myself into a pumpkin with big teeth. The teen-ager with me had not noticed my change. When he turned around, I told him was hungry and he was supper. I told him that it was time for me to have a little treat to go along with his little trick. Varnark, these humans can run fast. Even when their pants fall down around their ankles. This one just left his shorts behind. It took all of my strength to keep up with him for the first two blocks. Then he left me behind.

As we gathered back at the cemetery where the teen-agers had sat, we exchanged our stories and enjoyed a good laugh as we finished off that bottle of ‘rum.’ It tasted sweet. I expected to see a story in what Stone calls a ‘scandal sheet’ about pumpkins trying to eat the local youth.

Yet, in a local paper I found a story about three youth being arrested for under-aged drinking. The story indicated that the boys showed up at the police station wearing boxer shorts rambling on with outrageous stories of pumpkins with large teeth eating their shorts.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Boo to You Too

Monday, October 26

This is a weird week. The other day I leaned against this fence at a spot under a street lamp. Stone, Tement and I visited with one of Penelope’s friends in Natchitoches. The others went with to visit some type of storytelling gathering up the road put on by another one of Penelope’s friends.

My job was to watch the house. Actually, my job was to stay out of their way. So, I took a couple of journals I wanted to read and climbed over this barred fence. I sat on this brick and leaned against a fence post in order to read them in peace.

One thing I have to explain is that I had taken the shape of a human youngling around the age of 13. This allowed me to interact with other humans who came by. I learn quite a bit from talking with the humans. Earlier in the day, I talked with a couple of them dressed up in costumes. I found out that they planned to attend the same storytelling event my friends left to attend.

One of them warned me about ghosts who roam the area at night and pointed. When I looked around, I saw a bunch of stones organized in lines. Many of them had writing on them. I just shrugged my shoulders and told them that I would be all right.

Apparently, I had gotten so engrossed in reading this journal that I had not noticed that the sun had gone down. It turns out that I was sitting under a bright street lamp. It gave me enough light that I managed to keep reading without interruption. I also munched on some candy that I had brought from Stone’s.

Then this human boy came walking by. I decided that I would be friendly. Also, I wanted to talk with him. That is when things got weird. I said, “Hello, want to join me in ….”

The kid took off running screaming at the top of his lungs. It was hilarious but confusing. He did not let me finish my sentence. A few moments later, three more younglings came walking by. The same three that I talked with earlier. Again, I asked, “Hello, want to join me in ….” They did not even look back. They took off running and screaming something about a ghost being after them.

Come to think of it, the one who came by earlier yelled something about ghosts. After the fourth time this happened, Stone appeared in the doorway of the house across the street. At that point, another group of younglings came walking by. This time I recognized them as Thenal, Omman and the twins.

As I bent down to pick up my journals, I said, “Varnark, I am glad y’all are back. I am so stiff. If you wait a second, I will get up and stretch and then join you.” When I stood back up, I saw them running across the street toward Stone as they screamed at the top of their lungs. This too struck me as being hilarious, yet I still did not know what scared everyone.

I jumped over the fence and crossed the road. As I approached Stone, I noticed he had been laughing. Apparently, he knew why everyone acted so scared when I spoke. Needless to say, the others got angry with me. They said something about me not being a ghost. I did not know what they were talking about.

Stone explained that a ghost is the spirit of a dead person and they scared most people. He also pointed out they usually appear in cemeteries where they bury the dead. That answered one question but I had another until he pointed to where I had been sitting.

Wouldn’t you know that those younglings as well as my friends heard some scary ghost stories at that party they went to. How was I to know that I had chosen a spot in a local cemetery to read my journals?

Can you say, “Voices from the grave?”

Friday, October 23, 2009

Cookie Hunt

Wednesday, October 21

Hello, and how are you today? I, myself, am feeling a bit foolish and peevish right now. Why? Good question. Let me see if I can explain this so that it makes sense.

This past weekend, Stone made arrangements to meet with his writer friends to do something called a “retreat.” The way it was explained to me is that a group of writers get together to network and unwind and get re-energized in their writing craft. All I say is that this sounds boring.

But I digress. Before he left Friday afternoon, he gave each of us five cream-filled chocolate cookies as a treat for being good. What he did not know was that we had been searching for them all morning. We checked the breadbox, cabinet, and several drawers. The only place we did not have enough time to check was his booby-trapped cupboard he has over the dishwasher.

After he left, we - Thenal, Omman, the twins and me - decided to have our own retreat. We wanted to re-treat ourselves to more of those chocolate cookies. Stone informed us that he would be gone for at least six hours. That gave us plenty of time to study and disassemble his pot and pan alarm system to get to his cookies.

Yet, when we made our way to his hiding place, we found what turned out to be an empty cookie bag. We fought over the crumbs that remained. The bad part is that not only we did not find his cookies, we had to re-stack those pots and pans to hide the fact we got into his cupboard.

The following day Stone woke us up rattling those pots and pans. When we came into the kitchen, we found him placing the pots and pans back into that cupboard. Then Omman brought our attention to the chocolate cookies on the table.

To make a long story short, after Stone left for the retreat again, we tore into those pots and pans. This time we found a list of chores that we had to accomplish before they got back as punishment for looking for the cookies. I checked a few of the drawer and the cabinet over the refrigerator but found no cookies. When I looked at the breadbox, I just shook my head and went about doing the chores assigned to me.

The chores are not the reason I felt neither foolish nor peevish. I felt foolish and peeved because when he came home, Stone took a big bag of cookies out of the breadbox and smiled.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday 5: Loud

Friday, October 16

1. When in the past seven days were you loudest?

I guess it would have to be Wednesday evening. Stone and Tement went for a walk, and the twins and I figured out where Stone had hid his chocolate cookies. What we did not expect was the elaborate alarm system that Stone prepared for his hiding place.

We should have known better but those cookies kept calling our names. After one of the twins opened the cabinet door, pots and pans started falling and bouncing against the countertop and then rang out again as they hit the floor.

2. In the past seven days, what was loud but not noisy?

That one is in dispute. Thenal and the twins tell me that the shirt I wore on Tuesday was a bit too loud. I disagree. But to settle this, I decided to ask you. Is a bright yellow shirt with large red, orange, and blue flowers too loud?

3. In the past seven days, what was not especially loud but quite noisy?

Those crickets at night. They are not that loud but the constant noise they make keep us awake. The other day, Stone showed us an article about eating insects. If they do not cut out their constant drone of chirping, we will have cricket soup.

4. In the past seven days, what’s something that was not allowed?

Our (Thenal, the twins and I) accompanying Stone and Tement on one of those ‘garage sale’ expeditions. It seems that we caused too much trouble the last time we went with them.

I had to protest when Stone accused me of taking a bite out of that boy’s candy bar. That was Thenal who did that. I tied the shoelaces of those three girls together. How was I to know that they would trip and land in that big frosting covered cake. Though, that one girl looked cute with those blue eyebrows, an orange and green mustache and a white beard.

5. What are those clouds gathering on your horizon for next week?

Mainly clouds of future adventures and fun. The cloud of suspicion after successfully ferreting out Stone’s hidden goodies. The cloud of the chase after attempting to swipe another’s treat or after they attempt to swipe mine. Does not matter if we catch each other, it is the chase that matters. The cloud of laughter when a prank succeeds in getting the target.

The cloud of skepticism floating overhead by those whom may be reading this post. Big Grin.

To view the collection of others who participate in the Friday 5, go to

Clark Stone’s Web Page:
Come see the Short Story he is working on.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Vacuum - A Metaphor?

Wednesday, October 14

Hello again. Today, once again, I wish to complain about the way you humans use your language. You use words or phrases that mean one thing to represent another idea altogether. I believe Stone refers to this as a metaphor.

We Varnark love chaos as long as it involves confusing everyone else. When you apply that chaos to us, we are completely lost. Humans using metaphors cause us to much chaos.

For instance, Stone told us the other day that his front door has this vacuum to it. Every time he opens it in the morning, it sucks that cat up to the screen door.

To test this, we set up instruments to check the variance in air pressure when he opens the door. As you know, a sudden lowering of air pressure causes a vacuum. We measured a small vacuum effect but conclude that it’s not enough to pull a sleeping cat off the top of a box on his front porch making him run into that screen door.

We did the calculations and came up to the conclusion that Stone did not know what he was talking about. So, this morning he invited us to watch. When he opened the inner front door, that cat slammed into the outer screen door.

This amazed us, but our instruments gave us the same reading it did before. That is when Stone told us about the use of a word or a phrase that means one thing but used to represent another. To clarify his point, he informed us that the phrase “The vacuum of opening the door sucked the cat up to the screen door” meant “The cat was so hungry that she ran to bounces against the screen door in hope that someone would let her in and feed her.”

I gather that this is some type of trained response. My question is “Why not say that the cat was hungry?” I do not think I like these so-called ‘metaphors.” They seem too confusing.

As for Stone and his ‘vacuum’ theory, myself, I think he’s a few pebbles shy of a full rock pile.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Stone’s Announcement

Monday, October 12

Hello again,

I apologize for Narval’s absence but I have been working on something that I wanted to have online. Last month, I announced that was going to put up a web page for myself. I also wanted to start an alien short story series. I had thought about putting up some of Garnara’s Observations (He is the alien visiting earth who Narval is supposed to be offering support.) on the Internet but have changed my mind. I have so much trouble putting up three blog entries a week for Narval’s Folly. In the future, I may put something up, but for now, his observations are in limbo.

Clark Stone’s Web Page:

Usscan’s Observation Web Page:

I would recommend checking out the introduction and rules that I have set up for the project of Usscan’s Observations. Then go to the Short Story opening page to gain access to part one for the first short story.

I hope to have Narval out of his funk and back working on his blog starting on Wednesday. I hope you enjoy this new project.


Clark D. Stone.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday 5: Story

Friday, October 2

1. Which of your stories have you probably told the greatest number of times to the most people?

I wrote about this on December 22 last year. The story about my scaring Thenal with my mechanical tarantulas keeps popping up. I considered that one of my best pranks. This one sticks out more than my other pranks for some reason.

2. What’s a story someone else often tells about you, much to your chagrin?

The story about cooking Turkey that Thenal posted on my blog back last November. He continues to tell that story followed by playing that recording. Again, how could I have known that a turkey was a bird and not Stone’s friend whom they called Turkey?

3. What oft-told story from a chapter in your life seems to be remembered differently by different people who were there?

Omman likes to tell the story of the day back in December when everyone went wind surfing. He kept pointing out how I along with a couple others had gotten the lines to our paraglide chutes entangled in that oak tree.

Yet, he can’t get his facts straight. As I reported last December in a blog about our ‘wind surfing’ adventures, I pointed out that I had to get Stone to help get the others out of that tree. Though, I did not anticipate him cutting that tree down with them in it.

And, I don’t care how many photos Omman claims he has that prove his claim. Anyone can tell that those images had been doctored.

4. What are some of the details, without retelling the whole story, of a story you’ve told often but never to your parents?

5. What song would be an appropriate soundtrack to the story of your most embarrassing moment?

Either the song “Midnight Confessions” by the Grass Roots or “Dance to the Music” by Sly and The Family Stone.

I along with my roommates got caught slipping in from an evening in the town. We had discovered a band was to play in town. When the music started, we danced until our legs gave out.

Apparently, we weren't supposed to leave the trailer. Tement knew what we had done and I felt bad about it. I don’t know if the others did so, but he made me feel so bad that I had to confess that we slipped into town in order to dance to some music.

To view the collection of others who participate in the Friday 5, go to