Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April What?

Wednesday, April 1

Oh, my. Stone told us that the humans celebrate an unofficial holiday that would interest us Varnark. He calls it ‘April Fools Day.’ Though, I think this could be a slight against us. Yet, he caught our attention as he explained. We live for practical jokes and pranks.

We discovered that you humans could pull some ‘humdingers’ (as Stone says) in the area of pranks. Stone and Garnara pulled one on us Varnark. The thing is, they pulled the same one on us a few months back during Halloween. This time it involved something called a ‘chainsaw.’

I woke to the sound of a loud buzzing sound. Then this chain came through the right side of the door spitting out bits of wood. This spinning chain traveled down and around. When the middle of the door collapsed onto the ground, there stood this dark figure wearing a hockey mask. He let out this evil laugh and pumped this ‘chainsaw’ a couple of times. The thing roared to life.

I have a vague memory of a loud boom to my left, but then a chill hit me. I looked around and found a gapping hole in the wall where the window used to be. Then I realized that I was the only one left in the room. I heard the distant screams of Thenal and Omman fading.

The figure stepped through the opening in the door. He pumped that chainsaw and it roared to life. My muscles rebelled against me. I found myself in a position of not being able to move.

Then the chainsaw died. I heard Stone’s laughter from underneath that mask. Then this flash blinded me. Tement came through the door and took my photo. Then he fell to the floor laughing. Stone lifted his mask, set the chainsaw down on the floor, and leaned against the door as he continued to laugh.

If it weren’t for that chocolate pudding, Stone would have found himself tied up and hanging upside down along with Tement. Tement is still laughing even though we have him hanging like a pinata on one of Stone’s oak trees. I am thinking about going out and giving him a whack anyway.

Now, another prank Stone pulled showed us another aspect of human nature. I did not realize how much humans hated snakes until Stone pulled this trick. He placed this ‘rubber snake’ in the road that had fishing line tied on it. When a car comes up, he would start pulling the rubber snake across the road.

The first car swerved into the opposite lane in order to hit the snake but kept going. Stone reset the snake in the road. A second car did the same thing. This time, Stone started moving the snake, and they stopped and back up over it again. They ran over that thing five times.

That snake gave me an idea to get Stone back. I remembered how he jumped when Penelope threw that rubber snake at him. So, I coiled that rubber snake up and put it in the top drawer of his desk. A factor I did not take into account intervened. Penelope came in to get something out of Stone’s desk.

When that thing sprung out of the drawer, she screamed and snatched it out of mid-air. I do not know where the knife came from but she cut its head off. Then she looked at the thing a little closer and then looked around at us. If looks could kill, that stare she gave us drove a chill down my spine.

That is when the ultimate joke came about. Knowing Penelope’s tendency to seek retribution for such acts against her, I beat the others out the front door and hid in a crawl space under the front porch. Where they went, I have no idea. While there, I overheard Stone ask Penelope if she found her rubber snake. She said she found it where I had hid it. Then Penelope called out to all of us who were hiding, “Hey fellas, April Fools.”

Their laugher is still ringing in my ears.

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