Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Torture Session

Wednesday, March 11

I wish to report that we recovered from our lack of sleep. Well, let me explain a bit. This past weekend turned out to be a training session for the group. Or as Thenal put it, "The Torture Session."

Our assignment: to prevent any member of a rouge Ygi group from attempting to molest Stone. Though, I do not know of a decent Ygi who would try. After he took six of them out two months ago, most of the Ygi have tried to avoid him. Especially the rouge groups. Yet, they have vowed vengeance.

Tement wanted to see how the group would react to various distractions and situations. Also, he forbade me from telling the others about this Daylight Saving thingy.

In other words, Tement wanted to torture the others to see how they would react to being treated in such a manner.

Now, the first obstacle came when he told the others that we were a security detail. The ranks started to grumble. But then again, what can one expect from a group of fun-loving Varnark? If it involves having fun, we want to participate, not watch.

The first insult came during our Friday morning travel to Shreveport so Stone could attend this writer’s convention. He required us to pile into the back of his car for the hour and a half ride to Shreveport. When I said back, I mean the trunk. I did not really care for this part either.

Not only did we have to deal with the stuffiness and cramped space of the trunk, we had to deal with Omman’s gas discharges. Not to mention that Stone needs to fix the shocks on his car. For every bump he hit, we came away with a lump or bruise because we bounced against the trunk lid.

The group started to relax a bit Friday night when Stone attended that reception. The food had them salivating though. I have to admit that it caught my interest as well. But, we were not to eat anything. The others got angry with Stone when he refused to bring them some of the food.

Then he whets their appetite a little. He brought us one piece of something called a ‘pecan praline’ and one cookie. He also brought some crackers with something called ‘onion dip.’ They were delicious, but this turned out to be part of his torture routine. Varnark*, the others fumed. I can hear them plotting to toss Stone into the hotel pool. After a few moments, they decided to raid the goodies room instead.

That did not turn out to be a hot idea. Or should I say, the raid turned out hotter than they expected. They found the pralines and cookies gone. As for the crackers and dip, they found plenty of that. It wasn’t until they devoured the whole lot that they discovered that the dip had been spiked with habaneros. I finally found them in one of the ice machines. There goes that batch of ice.

Stone claimed that many interesting activities had been scheduled throughout the day Saturday. Actually, this turned out to be an exercise in boredom. The others did not understand what he got out of the writing sessions; especially since he did not attend any of them. Most of the time, he sat at a table in the foyer taking photos. Even so, he claimed to have had fun. All I know is that he took a ‘bucket-load of photos’ at this conference. His words, not mine.

That night, he brought us a couple of bags of egg rolls and mini-meat pies. The egg rolls disappeared. Thenal, Omman and the twins attacked the egg rolls like a pack of ravenous animals. I must admit, they tasted great. The mini-meat pies tasted great as well but had too much pepper in it.

The others began to moan and groan. They ate too much too fast. Thenal accused Stone of torturing them with good food. Stone told him that he did not force Thenal to ‘wolf’ down that food like that. Thenal looked as if he swallowed one of those so-called volleyballs. Their stomachs stuck out so far that someone mentioned that they looked pregnant.

It turns out that they were so uncomfortable that they could not go to sleep until after midnight. Stone got a single room, so we had to share the second bed. I knew better than that. I slept on the floor. If I didn’t, I would have to contend with being poked in the ribs or bopped in the face by an elbow.

Stone did not help matters. He sounded like a freight train passing through the room. Then he pulls this Daylight Saving Time stunt.

Somewhere between midnight and this morning, someone stole an hour. Where, we had greeted the morning with daylight; Sunday morning, the sky greeted us with total darkness. Thenal and the others wanted to find the person who stole the hour during the night. I do not think they get the concept. Then again, they had not awaken fully yet.

This finally brought about a unified action of the others against Stone. They attempted to throw him into the hotel pool. They have short memories. He reminded them why they shouldn’t have tried. Stone gave them flying lessons. The four Varnark flew in every direction and landed in the water near the center of the pool. At least this time, they remembered that they could swim instead of panicking when they landed in the water.

Overall, they did not do too well with their training. But, I hope they did learn something from this experience.

* Just like saying "Man!" in the human language.

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