Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Stone Expounds - Again


Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hello again. This is Stone letting you know that I will be spending the next three days planning out my course of action for Narval and the gang. Presently, I have been working on the blind side of things but being spontaneous has not been as forthcoming as I thought it would be.

One of my New Year’s resolutions will be to plan out this blog with a few spontaneous blogs tossed in. I want to get where I can have up to five or six blog entries built ahead of schedule.

Thank you for your patience. I hope you had a Merry Christmas and plan to have a Happy New Year. Along with this blog, I am working on getting my web page up and running and expect to have it going by February 1.

I do have other resolutions as well.
  1. To work on my weight – to drop a pound a week over the next two months for starters.
  2. Build my alien journal web page by March 1 or sooner.
  3. Read more books
  4. Increase my participation in my martial arts
  5. To write at least 30,000 words by January 31 toward my writing projects
I hope to update you on these goals and others within the month. Right now, I am looking out the window at the bright sunlight illuminating a green cedar tree in my back yard.

Have a Happy and Healthy New Year. Until later, Clark Stone

Next Post: January 2, 2009

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Brain Freeze


Sunday, December 28, 2008

After our operation involving the snowmen, we found that Thenal and Omman had brought back an ice chest that contained a small quantity of clean snow. They planned to attack the rest of us with a couple of snowballs - kind of like a one-sided snowball fight. Then Stone found the chest and told us that he could make a treat for us. Something called ‘snow ice cream.’

He placed several large scoops of snow into his blender. The then added chocolate syrup, vanilla extract, milk, and sweetener in with the snow. He pulsed the blender several times.

He forgot to say anything about the racket that thing made. The high pitched sound felt like someone jabbed a nail into my ears. The skin on the back of my neck crawled as well. I slapped my hands over my ears. When I looked around, I noticed the others did the same.

As he poured each of us a bowl of this ‘snow ice cream,’ Stone warned us about something called a ‘brain freeze.’ Then he refused to tell us what that is as he handed us our spoons. He said that we had to experience it.

I did not like the sound of this. Even with this warning, we could not help ourselves. Something about chocolate causes us to lose control.

Thenal, Omman and Karnka got theirs first and began to shovel it into their mouths. Within seconds, Thenal dropped his spoon and grabbed his head. Omman followed a few seconds later. Stone handed a bowl to me. After seeing Thenal and Omman on the floor with painful expressions on their faces, I let the first two or three spoonfuls of the treat melt in my mouth.

Yet, the flavor overwhelmed me. My taste buds began battling my common sense. Needless to say, my taste buds won out. After shoving a few more spoonfuls of the ice cream into my mouth, a sharp pain shot through my head.

That is when Stone said that we were in the throes of what is called a brain freeze. He then explained that if a human takes in a cold treat too fast they can get headaches.

The sad part to this story occurred after we recovered from our first headache. The snow ice cream turned out to be too big of a temptation. Even after we knew we would suffer these headaches, we just could not help ourselves.

Stone said that we must be masochists. When this headache goes away, I plan to ask him what that means.

Next Post: December 30

Friday, December 26, 2008

Fingers, Toes and Earlobes


Friday, December 26, 2008

I wish to cover some things in which I discovered about the human body. As of late, my brother Varnark and I have been spending more time in the shape of a human. We find that we can keep the shape much longer than anything else without losing our capabilities of thinking. It is also better because many humans would possibly panic if we walked around in our original shape - except for that one time during that celebration called Halloween.

We found that parts of our bodies are a bit more sensitive than we had anticipated. I also have the tendency to injure certain parts more often as well. For instance, two days ago my pinky toe caught a doorjamb when Thenal pushed me through the door. It hurt quite a bit. The problem is, every time I turn around, it seems I keep bouncing that little toe against everything since I injured it.

Another thing I've noticed is that since we've taken human form, we have a tendency to use one side of our body or the other more often. Whereas, in our natural state we are ambidextrous. In our natural state, we could use both hands while working on two different projects at the same time and would do them well. Yet, in our human form, we get frustrated when we attempt to do this. We can only use both sides when they complement each other in doing a single task.

Now, I found out important each digit is when I injured any one of them. No matter which finger gets injured, I find that it will interfere with the task I had to do.

Now, during the cold weather the last few days in this part of the country, I found that my earlobes do not feel to well when someone thumps them with their finger. I got the idea when I passed a tree and I let the limb I pushed back go too soon. The slapped my ear. Varnark, that hurt.

To test my theory on this event, I thumped Thenal’s ear and took off running when he let out a big yelp.

That is why I am recording this while in hiding. You see, Thenal had a machete in his possession at the time I did it. Granted, that was not the brightest move on my part, but I did manage to escape.

Thump, thump, thump.

I guess it is time for me to find a different hiding place. Thenal has found me and will be breaking through the door any second.

Time to teleport out of here, bye.

Vizzzip!

Next Post: December 28

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas


Hello everyone,

I wished to say that I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas. And that you and your family will keep healthy and happy through out the holiday.

Thanks

Clark Stone
Thursday, December 25, 2008


Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Snowmen Attacked


Wednesday, December 24, 2008

In my last post, I noted that Tement sent Thenal, the twins and Karnka northward. It looks as if he did it to let Thenal cool off - literally. They went to play in snow. With all the reports of winter storms abound, Tement sent a whole group of Varnark to relax in snowed-in areas up north. Knowing Karnka, they will spend most of their time trying to best each other on the number of snowmen they each build.

I spent my time relaxing in front of my monitor checking the progress of my tarantulas. By the way, Stone’s trailer is nice and warm. My kind of fun.

My spiders preformed quite well – if I have to say so myself. Well, I did have some doubt about tarantula three (T3) at first. As soon as I activated the arachnids, their scent detectors found the presence of Ygi and they took off hunting.

Two spiders (T1 and T2) followed the Ygi’s scent down hiking trails. T3 teleported three or four times while tracking its prey. On that last jump though, the tarantula’s scent detector became overwhelmed with Ygi's scent. It could not determine which direction it needed to go. The tarantula detectors indicated that it had to be surrounded by Ygi. Yet, every direction it looked showed me that device landed in an open field lined with trees. I figured the arachnid malfunctioned.

I prepared to teleport it back home when T1 and T2 sent an alarm. They stopped at the edge of an open field. In the middle of that field stood a structure with a tower standing next to it. Each tarantula began to scan the building, the tower and the grounds from the tree line where they hid.

That is when I discovered why the third tarantula had acted like it landed among them. In a way it did. T2’s camera showed T3 standing near the top of the tower. Outside the cabin stood several Ygi.

To make a long story short, my tarantulas confirmed the presence of both Ygi and their human captives. I counted 10 Ygi and four humans. T1 found a pile of human bones behind the house. Indications that they are harvesting humans. After I adjusted the program of T3, it found the humans chained in a back room: three men and one woman.

The Ygi seemed to be lethargic. Tement believes they must have just harvested a human. Since Garnara was busy, Fecioun accompanied us on our mission. During the darkness, we teleported many of those snowmen that the Thenal, Karnka and the others made. Fecioun provided us the remotely controlled weapons loaded with full-load blanks.

Just before dawn, the firefight began when one of the rogues spotted the snowmen and opened fire. The snowmen fired back. Three Ygi ran into the trees in an attempt to escape. I kind of felt sorry for them. Soon as they got into the tree ling, they stopped firing. Then high-pitched screams pierced our ears along with some crunching sounds of limbs breaking.

They should have taken the southwest trail and surrendered to our two outrider teams. Soon, two Ygi exited the forest into the field screaming at the top of their lungs and running as if they saw a monster. We had to cover our ears. A few seconds later, a human exited the trail firing a weapon of some type.

She then lowered her weapon and threw two sticks at the fleeing Ygi. The sticks struck the rouges behind the knee making their legs collapse. They hit the ground beside each other. As they tried to get up, she landed on top of them. The screeching started up again. By the time we got to the Ygi, Penelope had them tied like hogs. No, wait, that is ‘hog-tied.’

We all knew that Penelope was crazy but not this crazy. She took on three Ygi carrying energy weapons carrying just a paintball weapon. But Varnark*, red and yellow dots covered the Ygi from top to bottom. Most of the paint coated their heads and upper torso.

The humans are safe. We adjusted their memories before placing them back on the trails.

As for the snowmen, I am sad to say that they took heavy casualties. Many lost their heads during the battle. Yet, they did win the war. As for the three Ygi, they shy away whenever Penelope comes around. You should have seen how happy they were to be placed in Fecioun's custody.

When they saw our attack force, they hung their heads. Then again, our laugher did not help their egos much either. Yet in their humility, they refused to tell where the other seven rogues are. But when Penelope approached them, we couldn't shut them up.


* in this context, it is like saying “man” like in “oh, man.” - Stone

Next Post: December 25

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Playing with the Tarantulas


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The day after I introduced my tarantulas to Thenal, I found myself in a place called Kisatchie National Forest. Just a place to be during a freezing cold windy day. The extra clothing helps, but my hands are turning into icicles, and the wind cuts through the layers of my clothes. I think Tement did this to get me out of Thenal’s line of fire.

My goal – to get my spiders to seek out the location of the rogue Ygi (Or ‘rouges’ as Stone likes to call them.). Rumors of missing or lost hikers may indicate that the rouges are active in this section of the forest. Tement wanted to check to make sure.

I added a few more features to my spiders before I teleported into this cold hostile environment. The arachnids are to search for the telltale signs of rogues. I placed them in three areas which indicated recent Ygi activity. Two of the tarantulas crawled of down hiking trails where the five humans supposedly disappeared. The third teleported out of the area within minutes of me turning it on.

When I returned, I found Tement using a spray bottle to clean Stone’s car windshield. His accusing glare followed me to the work shed. As I put away my equipment, I thought I heard noise outside. After I retrieved my remote control unit, I cautiously opened the shed door.

After nothing happened, I looked up, then left and then right. Everything looked clear. Thenal stood next to Stone’s car. He seemed to be smiling. I forgot to look down. When I stepped out on the walkway, my feet shot out from under me, and I fell on my nazda. Thenal broke down laughing. He broke into a run and beat me to the trailer’s front door by mere seconds. He locked himself in the room - the coward.

I warmed myself by standing next to Stone’s wood burning stove as thoughts of revenge flooded my mind. Then Penelope dropped by with her pet tarantula. Work at her apartment necessitated her bringing the arachnid over temporarily. A water pipe froze or something along that line. I told her that could take care of it.

I played with the creature when I heard the door to our room open. Thenal, the coward, slowly exited the room. I set the creature down and picked up my control unit to check on the progress of my spiders. Tement warned us not to fight. At that, Thenal came into the room and picked up the spider and started to play with it.

He commented on how real the robot looked and acted. “If I didn’t know better, I would think this would have been Penelope’s tarantula.” He finally said. The spider crawled up one arm, around his neck, and then down the other arm.

Again, I found myself trying not to laugh. He placed the spider down on the floor. As it walked around, Thenal asked who visited. Tement told him.

Thenal’s eye popped open and looked down. He pointed toward the spider and said, “Tell me that is one of your mechanical spiders.” Tement told him that all the mechanical ones were in the field. That is when the spider turned toward Thenal. He took off running toward the room screaming, “Keep that thing away from me!”

I could not hold it in any more. Laughter forced its way out and I fell over. I think I hurt myself trying to hold it in too long.

To get Thenal out of the trailer, Tement, sent him, the twins and Karnka out one a mission to the north. What for is anybody’s guess. Thenal gave me that accusing stare. You know, the one that says, “You did that on purpose.” Believe me when I say, “I couldn’t have plan this if I wanted to.” I’m not going to tell him that though.

Next Post: December 24

Monday, December 22, 2008

March of the Tarantulas


Monday, December 22, 2008

Stone came across something that I found interesting and useful. He got the remote control device to scare his nephew. That large hairy tarantula scared me the first time I saw it. This teenager is scared of any dot hanging from the ceiling. Then again so is Thenal. I’ll talk more about that in a few moments.

I needed a way to keep an eye on a certain group of Ygi without being endangering our observation groups. Not only that, I believe we could use them to search areas where we suspect illegal Ygi activities. This little remote control creature fits my needs.

After borrowing Stone’s tarantula, I took it apart to study how the thing was assembled. After I reassembled it, I built three smaller versions of the arachnid. I built
the internal control units, hand control units, and recording units out of technology we confiscated from the Ygi. After tweaking the software, I got the tarantulas to act like real spiders.

In the past, I have talked about the fearless human we call Penelope. One other thing she used to bring over was her pet tarantula. I got to play with it a few times. When Thenal finds out that she is coming over, he disappears.

To test my new toys, I placed them around Thenal’s bed the other morning. Every since that incident involving the spider landing on his head on Halloween, Thenal feared spiders.

I watched his reaction to the spiders through the eyes of these tarantulas. His eyes popped open as wide as saucers. From the living room, I heard this blood-curdling scream. The microphones on the tarantulas shut down to keep from overloading the circuits.

As the tarantulas crawled around Thenal, his screams grew fainter, but his pitch grew higher. The one tarantula that sat on his chest showed his mouth open but no scream coming out. He seemed to be unable to move.

Tement spoiled the fun though when he forced me to retrieve the creatures. I retrieved two of arachnids off of Thenal and changed the programming. When I looked around the room, I found the Omman and Karnka peeking out from under their bed sheets. They should have known better because they helped me build the creatures in the first place. Though, I think Karnka seemed to be snickering.

I turned on Karnka’s boom box. The tarantula I left on Thenal's chest started dancing to the beat. Thenal’s expression changed from fear to curiosity. I glanced down at the hand display and watched as his eyes grew bigger on the screen.

When I looked up, my eyes met Thenal’s. I bit my lip to keep my laughter from escaping. I grabbed the tarantula off of his chest and took off running. At that point, I could not help myself. You know how hard it is to run and evade someone when laughing uncontrollably. This time Thenal’s scream came from anger and not fear. I had to hide for the rest of that day.

Next Post: December 23

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Screwy Weather


December 20, 2008

The weather around here is a bit screwy. One day the temperature is cold; the next day the temperature is hot or actually warm. Dare I even mention the humidity? I told Tement that we should have moved to a location where the weather remained a bit constant and on the warm side.

According to Stone, if you do not like the weather in Louisiana, wait fifteen minutes and it will get worse. The high humidity around here seems to be the norm. Some of us do not know whether to walk around the yard or to swim.

Four days ago, the temperature hovered just above freezing the whole day. Talking about being lethargic, we Varnark refused to move. Actually, we did not want to get out from under those covers, but Stone threatened to hose us down with cold water. Thenal’s teeth rattled all night. I guess I should not have unplugged his electric blanket; he deserved it.

Reports from the scouts at the Ygi came indicated that the humans moved about working. As for the Ygi, none came out. They are a bit more sensitive to the cold that we are.

But yesterday, the temperature rose to a more tolerable point. Actually, Stone was comfortable, but our world is a bit warmer. If it were up to us, the temperature could go up just a bit more. Then again, I would take anything that was well above Tuesday’s high.

Oh, by the way, I discovered the name of the party responsible for switching a tube of super glue with my lip balm. I have something up my sleeve for this Varnark. It has something to do with spiders.

That’s all for now. - Narval

Next Post: December 22

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Story Behind Super Glue Post


December 18, 2008

Hi, Stone here. In Narval's last post, he discussed having his lips glued together. The sad part about this is that when I did a web search on the subject, I found a possible cure for the problem. That tells me that someone had accidentally glued their lips together.

I based the last story on an event that occurred in my youth. In this case, a waitress at my father’s accidentally glued her fingers together.

Around 1976 or so, a new product came to market for public use. It is my understanding that the glue has been around since 1959. Yet, at the beginning of 1976, I remember hearing news reports about many cases of people accidentally gluing their fingers together.

Julie (not real name) wanted to see how good the glue worked. She glued a part of a tennis shoe back on. When she completed the task, she lifted up her right hand and gave the “okay” sign (lightly touching tips of the index finger and thumb together forming an ‘o.’ The other three fingers remaining straight.).

Not realizing she had gotten glue on her fingers, she barely touched the two digits together. She found her index finger and thumb stuck to one another. She called for help and my older brother obliged. You should have seen her eyes pop out of her head when he came out of the kitchen carrying a large butcher knife. She said that she wanted to separate her finger from her thumb, not have her finger cut off.

I am happy to say that they got them apart without cutting a finger or thumb off.

Oh, by the way, according to several web sites, the best way to break the bond of gluing your fingers together is by using warm soapy water.

Next Post: December 20

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Mmmmm mmm mmmm m…


December 16, 2008

Today, I wish to discuss the cruel act of switching my lip balm with that super glue. I am coming close to find out who was responsible.

It caused me to miss a post. Most of all, it made me lose all of those treats while attending the Christmas Festival. The smell of those funnel cakes drove me nuts. I nearly ripped my lips apart for that. Yet, the glue held.

I managed to keep this under wraps for the rest of that night. The next morning, Stone asked why I was so quiet, and Thenal told him that my lips were glued shut. Tattle-tale. Thenal will get his for that. Now, what Stone did was cruel. Stone said he had the perfect solution for my problem.

What that entailed, I did not know. First, he grabbed me and tied me down and then disappeared into the kitchen. When he came back out, he carried what looked to be a sword in his hand.

I thought I heard him say something about cutting my bottom lip off. Tement was not much help because he said that we Varnark heal quickly. Yes, we may heal quickly but we are not immune to pain.

That is when I discovered that those ropes around me would not budge. I found myself trapped on the couch. On the other couch, the others sat and watched. Thenal had video camera.

My heart started pounding and my thoughts seemed to fly. I could see three exits but could not move to get out of them. Panic, I no longer could control the panic swelling up in me. I no longer felt the rope cut into my skin. As he brought that sword toward me, I found myself unable to breathe just before darkness overtook me.

When I woke, I found myself in my bunk. I expected my bottom lip to be gone. It wasn’t. I must have freed it before he had a chance to cut my lip. That is the only explanation I could come up with. I did have this bad taste in my mouth though. Kind of tastes like soap. Yuck!

Excuse me, I have to go and rinse my mouth again.

----------

Click! Thump!

Is he coming? No, good. Hi, its me again: Thenal.

I wanted to expand on Narval’s statements on having his lips glued together. No, I did not do it but I did enjoy the silence it provided. We got to enjoy a whole day and a half of silence because of that tube of glue.

During the Christmas Festival and part of the Sunday, he could not pound our ears with his verbal drone. We also got to split his dessert as well.

Oh, did you know it is awfully hard to scream with his mouth glued shut? Narval did. And it was funny as valdarna*. Narval tried to scream as Stone approached with that knife. He then passed out. We got videos but Tement will not let us post them. Stone then put that knife up and brought out some warm soapy water and worked on Narval’s lips.

The sad part of this tail is that now, Narval can’t seemed to shut up. There goes the peace and quiet we got to enjoy.

Thanks for listening -- Thenal

* just like saying, ‘funny as hell.’

Next Post: December 18

Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Festival of Lights


December 14, 2008

Last weekend, Tement allowed us to mingle with the human population in a small hamlet called ‘Natchitoches.’ Stone said that they put on one hell of an all day celebration called ‘The Christmas Festival.’ Sunny skies and warmer weather greeted our excursion into the Festival of Lights. We went last night in Natchitoches as well, but the weather turned out to be a bit windier than we wanted.

At least I got to enjoy some meat pies and funnel cakes last night. I did tell you someone switched my lip balm with something called super glue on that big festive day. More on that later though.

We were allowed to enjoy ourselves but we kept an eye on some of the Ygi present checking out the humongous crowds. The Ygi research contingent turned out to be harmless. Along with their research, they participated in other events. You should have seen them scramble for that candy thrown from those floats.

On the other hand, we did not anticipate the arrival of some of the rouge Ygi. Their agenda turned out to be an attempt to harvest some of these unsuspecting humans. We disrupted one attempt. Or should I say Stone disrupted them. It turns out that it was he they attempted to harvest.

We still do not understand how he knew they were coming for him. Most humans are not able to see the Ygi or us if we have a tridg (trēdg)* engaged. We laughed so hard that we could not move. Stone stacked them up in a pile and sat on them to keep them from escaping.

Before we could collect them though, the Ygi research contingent pounced on them. A severe and almost fatal case of curiosity overtook us. The contingent activated their tridg (trēdg)* and then grabbed the three rouge Ygi. One of them pointed to the other side of the river.

With our curiosity piqued even more, we followed them as they teleported to the other side of the river. We could not see what they did to the rouges. Tement’s sensors indicated that they used a navdalla (näv-däl-lä)**. The Ygi contingent began stuffing cylindrical shaped objects into those tubes that humans load with fireworks. I have to say that one does not need to be a genius to figure out what they transformed the rouges into.

We had to wait until nightfall before we could find out what an exploding Ygi looked like. We could hardly wait. Throughout the day, an Ygi A/A*** team had caught four more of those rouge Ygi and transformed them as well.

Just before the finale, the humans set off the last seven fireworks. They shot straight up and had quite a range of colors but had no recognizable pattern. Even though we were a bit disappointed with them, I have to say is that – wait for it – I know this will be a groaner – we still had a blast.

*transphase refraction generator – or as Stone calls it ‘the invisibility generator.’
**transphase particle rearrangment generator – Stone calls it our ‘shape-shifting device.’
***apprehension/assassination team – Stone calls them the ”get’em and shoot’em” team.

Next Post: December 16

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Stone Expounds


December 13, 2008

Hello, Stone here. I wanted to expound a bit on several subjects. One pertains to the story ideas I have for Narval’s Folly. Another covers other thoughts on writing.

Some of the stories that I am working on involving Narval are based on events that have occurred in my family's past – far past. One or two stories may have came to me by friends. When my father told me his stories, I tried to record them on paper for future telling.

I will tell other stories myself. Most are not very long. In telling my stories, I will more than likely change the names. As for the stories involving Narval, I plan to tell the story behind the story at the end of the post or as the next post.

As for were I find my story ideas, I find them from many places. Newspapers and newscasts provide some of my story ideas. I also get story ideas from the people around me.

On other thoughts pertaining to writing, I enjoy building short stories and novels though sometimes I get myself into a position that I feel overwhelmed while writing. Sometimes, story ideas hide and I can’t find them. Other times, they flood my mind and I am not able to write them down fast enough.

I hope you enjoyed my past posts and will continue enjoying my future post. Have a nice day. – Stone

Next Post: December 14

Friday, December 12, 2008

A Snowball’s Chance ….In South Louisiana?


December 12, 2008

We spent most of the night and part of this day recovering. Or should I say defrosting from yesterday's antics. Stone said that our area had a chance of getting something he calls ‘snow.’ According to him, snow is a rarity in this area.

Normally, we ignored Stone’s stories but when he said 'snowball fights, he caught our attention. Yet, snow did not materialize in this area. Talking about being disappointed, we were. Most of what we got was rain. Some freezing rain came down but did not survive the warm ground.

When we heard reports of snow covering the ground to the south, we chose to teleport down there to check it out. The scenery looked beautiful and peaceful. Until that snowball fight started.

Stone made a snowball and threw it. Unbeknownst to me, I became the target because everyone else dodged it. After I peeled the snow off of my face, I found the others building these snowballs. Thus the battle began.

While the rest of us had a blast battling each other, Stone built something called a snowman. Tement built one as well. While they worked on them, we built up a supply of snowballs and then attacked them. What we did not know was that they had their own stash because they managed to pelt us as much as we did them. Stone cheated though. He caught some of ours and returned them our direction.

We moved to another open field for more fresh snow and came across a contingent of Ygi. The funny thing is that both parties arrived without weapons.

To our surprise, and theirs too, we got into one hell of a snowball fight. We enjoyed pelting them with our snowballs. We would never think we would have a battle with the Ygi and no one get injured in the process.

When we came home, we brought back some ice chests filled with this flaked ice. Stone made something called ‘snow ice cream.’ It tasted good but also chilled us to the bone.

Like I said, we spent last night and part of today to defrost.

Next Post: December 13, 2008

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Wind Surfing


December 10, 2008


Yesterday turned out to be one of those days of contradictions. The day started off being warm and windy yet dull and wet. We thought we would have to stay inside all day.

Then something strange happened. Normally, we Varnark are scared of large amounts of water and large electrical discharges. Stone calls the latter ‘lightning.’ But you toss in high winds and the possibility of a violent wind vortex event; then all rationality gets thrown out the window.

Stone informed us about a tornado warning in the area. By the time he finished explaining what this ‘tornado’ was, most of us had already shot out the door. Like a bunch of fools, we chose to search for this ‘tornado.’ Never did find it but found some strong winds though.

Our purpose, we love to ride the currents. Some grabbed shaped cloth canopies and flew around with the wind currents picking them up. Others took thin pieces of wood and surfed the winds. We looked like those guys on Stone’s television riding the water.

By the end of the day, we found ourselves a bit battered, bruised and some even burnt. Omman and Thenal came back smiling but looked a bit singed. It turns out they got to ride some lightning as well.

I found myself tangled up in a tree. I managed to free myself without any assistance; though, I did get some encouragement. The others brought Stone to my tree. When he cranked that chainsaw, I definitely got out of my predicament.

Even Tement got into the act. I couldn’t believe it. The old fart out maneuvered us all. I did not think he had it in him.

We sat around discussing our great feats. Stone called us crazy. He said something about us catching a fatal case of stupidity. That is when we began telling our feats of bravery: dodging flying debris, skirting the edge of lighting, and surfing the tops of trees. Nothing scared us. We felt invincible.

Then this loud ‘boom’ sounded out. Everything went dark until I saw Stone’s smiling face after he opened the cabinet door - you know, that cabinet over his refrigerator. He still does not understand how we all got into that cramped space. To tell you the truth, I don't know either.

Next Post: December 12

Monday, December 8, 2008

A Sticky Situation


December 08, 2008

I do apologize for my absence on Saturday, but I found myself in a predicament. Have you heard of something called glue? Well, someone replaced my lip balm tube with some type of so-called super glue. I found out quickly that I could not separate my lips. As soon as I figure out which Varnark is responsible, I will report what prank I pulled to avenge this egregious act against my lips.

I bring this up because we do get to pull some pranks against our enemy: the Ygi. I day that this occurred about a week and half after we arrived and a few days after Garnara teleported in. We discovered that the Ygi knew of his arrival site as well.

They had two of their notorious apprehension/assassination, or A/A, teams into the area in search of him. I can tell you that they were not there to apprehend him.

Several unlucky members of one team managed to step through a teleport portal into an electrical storm. You see, the portal attracts static electricity discharges. Did you know that an Ygi will glow bright yellow then turn white just before they burst into flames? We didn’t and it’s funny as valdarna (väl-där-nä) too. I spent two days recovering from a jocularity coma – I will more on this at a later date.

Before the last one of that group met her death though, I discovered another use for that super glue. While tracking her movements, she had a call of nature. Let me explain; to fit in the human society, the Ygi will take human form. If they stay in this form very long, they have the same bodily functions and urges that humans have.

I know because I too take a human form for days at a time. That is one thing we learned from the Ygi. But let’s get back to this Ygi. I believe she called herself Arvele. She seemed to broadcast her thoughts quite readily. That was how I managed to keep up with her whereabouts. So happens, I had a tube of this glue, and I spotted the portable toilet facility just before she did.

Luck was on my side because she managed to get to the toilet before that big burly construction worker. I would not have like to explain how my prank went awry to Tement.

After a few moments, this awful squeal came from within this portable toilet. The building started rocking back and forth. This was followed by a loud snap. Then everything stopped. She stepped out of the building with what Stone called a “toilet seat” glued to her backside.

When she saw me, she tried to reach for her weapon. She found it around her ankle along with her pants. Then I flashed the universal symbol meaning @#$ &!@t at her. Some of the construction workers started whistling. Then she wrapped her hand around the butt of that pistol and yanked it out; they scattered.

That also was my clue to get the Valdarna out of there. One of our observers reported that back at the Ygi main base, Arvele shot a couple of her companions in the backside when they broke out in laughter.

I say that she had gotten herself into a sticky situation, myself

Next Post: December 10

Thursday, December 4, 2008

A Proverbial Hornet’s Nest or Was It?


December 4, 2008

In the last post, I had mentioned a human we call 'Penelope. This post is about our first encounter with her.

The first time we encountered Penelope came about a week after we Varnark landed on this great planet - a little over three months ago. Penelope later told us that the situation we were in was what the humans called ‘the proverbial hornet’s nest.’ We had no idea what she meant at the time.

Let me explain. We found ourselves surrounded by four Ygi apprehension/assassination (A/A) teams. That is 12 Ygi on a search and destroy mission. I give you three guesses for whom they searched for and wanted to destroy - oh, and the first two don’t count. Well, they found our general location and were closing in. We could not fire on one A/A team without revealing our position to the other three teams.

Then this small female human stepped out from between a bush and a tree. I tapped Tement on the shoulder and pointed her out. You see, we were hidden up in a large tree and could see all of the teams. The Ygi would have found us on two occasions if they bothered to look up. That is a different story. As for Penelope though, we don't know where she came from. Our sensors did not show her being in the vicinity a few moments before.

Now, Penelope is this feisty female human who is short in stature. Stone commented on several occasions that she has large cojones - whatever that means. But, after seeing her in action several times, we have come to the conclusion that he meant she was fearless. I, myself, think she is a bit crazy. Why you say? Here is why.

She entered the trail after an Ygi A/A team passed. Then she whistled - that got their attention. The Ygi spun around and brought their weapons to bear. She threw an oval shaped object at them and then disappeared into the brush again. This object bounced off the middle Ygi’s head and broke open; that is when they found themselves engulfed in a dark cloud.

I do not know what she threw, but the Ygi began slapping about furiously. Their high pitched scream caused the hair on the back of our necks to stand up. It also caught the attention of a second A/A team. After a few moments, they began to collapse. That is when the second A/A team reached them. They then started slapping too. They then released a furry of blasts from their weapons. Soon, both teams lie on the ground. The cloud seemed to hover over them for a few minutes.

The other two teams came running up but refused to enter the ‘living cloud of death’ as Omman christened it. We took this opportunity to teleport out of there. When we checked the site later, we could not find the bodies of those who fell. Nor did we find that ‘living cloud of death’ either.

The female human had disappeared from our sensors a few seconds after she entered the tree line. Later, after we met, I asked her what she threw at them. Her answer, “A hornet’s nest.”

Next Post: December 6, 2008

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Thanksgiving Weekend Madhouse


December 2, 2008

I have a question: Are humans supposed to act this way? I mean, is it normal to scream at, holler at, and cheer at a box called a television set that sits in the middle of a room?

Why don’t I explain. After everyone finished feeding their face, they retired to two rooms that contained a television set. It so happens that they watched the same game but rooted for opposite teams.

During this game, I noticed marked changes in their attitudes. They became more aggressive and animated. The other Varnark noticed these changes as well. The funny thing is that when the group in one room would cheer, the group in the second room would react in an opposite manner.

Let me explain further. A player dressed in white took off down the field carrying the ball. Other players in dark jerseys took off in pursuit. Clark’s group would yell, “Kill’em, Kill’em.” or “Get’em, get’em.” or “Stop that joker.” as they shook their fists and leaned forward in their chairs. Then they would sink back into their chair and become solemn.

In contrast, Penelope’s group in the other room would be jumping up and down screaming, “Run, run, you fool.” or “Go, go, go.” They then would dance around, raise their arms and slap their hand against the others’ (I think they called that a 'high-five?), and even bounce up and down in their chairs.

The groups would do one or the other depending which team carried the ball. Though, I think Penelope’s group seemed to be more jubilant. The way her group continued to bounce around and scream after the end of the game tells me that their team won.

We did not get to watch much of the game ourselves. To tell you the truth, we didn’t even know the team names. It is not because they would not let us watch the game. We found their antics, dances and chants more fascinating to watch than anything else. They also taunted each other during breaks.

The only time they got distracted from the game came when the twins got into it with each other. They apparently had gotten into the game, but they chose opposite teams as well. We had to break them up.

This also happened on Friday and Saturday. All this aggravation that we got to enjoy and we did not have to pull a single prank to create it. On Sunday, they all did root for the same team. They still got quite animated over it as well though.

I introduced two characters in this post: Penelope and the twins. I will cover them at a later post.

Next Post: December 4, 2008

Monday, December 1, 2008

Black Friday?


December 1, 2008

A couple of days ago, the humans celebrated a day called ‘Black Friday.’ To me, it was more like a ‘Gray Friday.’ Stone tried to explain but I have no idea what he was talking about.

The morning started off with white haze covering the ground in the in the form of fog. A gray blanket covered the sky from horizon to horizon and leaked all day long. At times, that precipitation came down hard. The day fit our attitude – gloomy and dark. This day pulled most of the cheer from our bodies.

One cheerful moment came when we discovered that Stone’s pants had a big rip across the seat. Stone had gone to town to check out some so-called ‘sales,’ whatever that is. He kept getting these strange looks from people and wondered why we kept snickering. Not only that, he got frustrated attempting to maneuver around all of those people in that crowded store.

On the drive home, we told him about that rip in his pants. His reaction made us smile. Payback is fun. He should think again before he pulls another stunt like 'turkey day.' (By the way, we also glued his shoes to the floor.)

Now, it turns out that other people weren't having a good day either. Stone's day seemed tame compared to some. Some of the people seemed very upset. Now, I know what you are thinking, but I swear we Varnark had nothing to do with it.

Well, okay, we did tie that one youngling's shoelaces together. He should not have kicked Omman like that. Okay, okay. We also pulled that other youngling's pants down around his ankles as well. Happy now, Omman.

Garnara might be right. There may be enough chaos, I mean pandemonium, in this place that would keep us entertained for years. Actually, we probably could not pull a prank big enough to match some of the stupid or unusual things we have seen humans do. I will cover that in a later post.

The day brightened up a bit after the sun went down. It started off with something growling coming from the west. Stone told us that it sounded like rolling thunder. We thought different. Then a flash filled the windows of the trailer. Omman thought Stone took one of his photos and sat up straight and smiled.

You have to understand, we Varnark are sensitive to loud noises. That thunderous boom that followed the lightning shook the trailer. It is a good thing Stone cleared those cabinets that hang over the refrigerator. That is where he found us hiding. Actually, he had to pry us out. He wondered how six Varnark could fit in such a small space. At least we didn’t put holes in his ceiling this time. After Stone forced us out of our hiding place, we sat on the couch.

You might think that we should be used to thunder after spending three months on this planet. In a way, we are. It’s that first unexpected ‘BOOM’ that catches us off guard. We find it hard to overcome this reflex action of hiding after many years of cultivating it. Now, we still shirk every time lightning flashes or when thunder vibrates the floor – uh, after the first boom that is.

Next Post: December 2, 2008