Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Stone Speaks - Part II

Wednesday, December 23

Hello. I do apologize for not logging on and discussing this sooner. I decided to take the the month of December off so that I can regroup.

Narval and his merry group will return sometime around January 16, 2010. I plan to use the time until this date to work on mapping out where and how I wish the character posts his comments. I still intend to make fun of various human frailties and idiosyncrasies. But I also wish to toss in more information on the Varnark's contribution to my alien journal project.

Thank you for your patience and see you around Jan. 16.

Clark Stone.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Stone’s Absense

Wednesday, December 2

Hello, Narval here. Stone asked me to apologize for his absence from writing my posts for the last week and a half.

It seems that he got into a fight with some character named “Appen Dicitis.” This guy must be good at what he does because I’ve seen Stone take Thenal, Omman, the twins and me without breaking a sweat.

He spent a week in the hospital because he had a bout with this character. That allowed us to search out other spots that Stone used to store his chocolate cookies and other goodies.

Yet, that is not all we did. As the twins stood guard over Stone’s abode, Thenal, Omman and I searched for this Dicitis character. This guy managed to hide from us. But we did get many strange stares when we tried to discretely inquire about him. Then when we gave them his first name, they would laugh and leave us completely confused.

All Stone could tell us about this Appen Dicitis was that he left him in severe pain in his lower right stomach area that left him doubled over in pain. His surgeons had to operate to alleviate the pain and fight the infection.

The trail on this Dicitis has gotten cold but we will continue to look for him. He sounds like someone worse than the Ygi. Actually, we sometime think this Appen Dicitis character should be given to the Ygi.

The one thing about this event is that Stone and the others can’t pull that Turkey Day joke on me like they did last year.

Well, that is all have for now. Stone should be back on his feet soon. We got him out of the hospital this past Sunday and is starting to become a pain all over again. Though, he is moving around a little slower.

Narval the Great.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday Five - Believe

Friday, November 20

Narval here. To destroy a phrase Stone has been known to say, I know this is about a week late and a few diamonds short, but here is my take of this particular Friday Five:

1. Do you believe in ghosts?

Who me? Now I don't believe in.... Who's there? What's that noise? I know I hear you. What's this "Ooooo," sound you're making. When he mean you're an evil spirit? Is that a ghost? Oh, okay. Why don't you go on to somebody else?

2. Do you believe in extraterrestrials?

Sure, my comrades and I are from the planet Varn. To us, you are the two extraterrestrials. On some outposts, one can turn around without bumping into a human.

3. Do you believe in mythical creatures (unicorns, vampires, etc.)?

I guess I do. I ran into a vampire unicorn on the planet of Indercon. The bloodsucker tried to tap my veins. When I did leading do it, he needled me in my nazda with his horn. If it wasn't for all those other vampire unicorns, I would broke his horn off and and stick it where.... What he mean I can't use that can language? Okay. Well they get the picture anyway.

4. Do you believe in a higher power (God, Allah, Buddha, Hecate, Zeus, etc.)?

I believe in God, his son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. -- Clark Stone

5. Do you believe in the power of crystals?

Sure. And too many sugar crystals to something and it makes its way. Did you know they had collective qualities? If you eat too many items during a day, it collects on your backside front side, mid-section. It also makes your clothes shrink to the point that they can get snug to tight. That makes them mighty uncomfortable.

Visit the Friday Five at this URL:

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Allergic Reaction to Candy? Can't Be

Wednesday, November 11

Everyone knows that over a week ago we participated in the ritual of Trick-or-Treat. We discovered that someone along the route we took pulled a big trick on us.

Let me explain. When we brought our treats home, Stone and Tement took them and hid them from us. We threw such a fit that they gave us our property back. I always believed that their taking our property was not fair practice.

After we got the treats back, we got a treat whenever we wanted it. On the second day, I thought something was wrong, but I could not figure out what. I felt okay. Had no aches or pains. Yet, I felt different. My clothes felt a little snug, and I experienced a little discomfort.

When I talked with the others, they denied having any problems. I watched their actions, and they looked as if they too suffered from some discomfort.

At this point, I did not associate our problem with the treats. But by the time I got to the end my goodies a few days later, something told me that I had eaten something that caused an allergic reaction. It hit the others as well.

Something in that bag of goodies caused us to swell. Our bodies had swollen up to the point that we could not put on certain pieces of clothing. Tement checked us out with the health monitor. The device must need to be recalibrated because it showed that we were healthy. Yet, it did not explain why our bodies ballooned out in such a manner.

Though, I know we are not allergic to popcorn. We looked at the list of items we got. This item is the only thing in our package we have not eaten before.

Out of the packages of chocolate-peanut candy bars, chocolate coated peanut clusters, peanut butter cups, malted milk balls, chocolate-almond candy bars, pecan pralines, gumdrops, jelly beans, licorice, taffy bars, and hard candies, the only thing we figured it had to be the popcorn balls.

It has to be the material that binds the popcorn together. It couldn’t be that half a bag of candy that caused this. I don’t care what Stone says.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Story about Halloween

Sunday, November 8

Stone here. I would like to tell a Halloween story that occurred in my youth. In this story, I hope to show how a given action does not produce the result one is hunting for.

Years ago, a scare occurred that almost killed the holiday. Supposedly, Halloween candy got blamed for the death of a child. He ate poisoned candy. Later, the authorities determined that the child’s father poisoned the candy in order to collect a large sum from an insurance policy.

The following year the area newscasters announced the story again and cautioned parents to check the candy their children get. They were to check for razor blades in the candied apples and popcorn balls and throw away any candy not wrapped.

Due to this scare, we did not have that many trick-or-treaters that year. Needless to say, a few diehard people did not let this ruin their holiday or keep them from passing on the fun to the next generation.

My brother and I had a bowl of candy to give to the few who came by. We had given several children candy when my brother decided to liven up the party a bit. He climbed up on the lowest limb of a sycamore tree that stood in our front yard. We did not wear any costumes.

One woman brought her 3-year-old boy in to get his treat. She seemed determined to let the child learn about the joys of the holiday. As they passed by the tree, my brother jumped off of that limb and let out this horrifying scream.

The woman jumped and started screaming as well. She stood there for a second with one hand on her chest trying to catch her breath. As for the boy, he did not jump or scream like his mother. He looked up at my brother and asked, “What were you doing up there?”

At this, we all began to laugh. We ended up scaring the adult instead of the trick-or-treater. In a way, I’m glad we did not scare the little fella.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Tasty Trick

Wednesday, October 28

You know that the others never believed me about the other night being an accident. Yet, I told the truth. I did not realize that I sat in a cemetery. Believe me, there would be no way I would willingly sit in one of those places by myself.

I thought they had gotten over it, but nooooo…. Their revenge turned out to be a haunted house. Stone participated in their joke as well. I asked him to take me to one of these sites to study how they worked. He told me that people loved to be scared by the unexpected and the unexplained. This is why they love to visit these haunted houses. Those who work inside them try their best to come up with scenarios in which to scare the unsuspecting patron of horror.

Now, let's get to what he did not tell me about this place. It turns out that my friends whom I thought was satisfied with my explanation of the other night had set up a special section for me.

I guess this is part of their practice for their next mission. Stone drove up and dropped me off in front of this warehouse. I should have known something was up when I did not see other humans in the vicinity. Stone told me that the place was not open to the public yet, but he had got special permission for me to go through the maze of haunted spectacles.

My second warning should have been when Stone went to park the car. I have never known him to park so far from a building entrance. He used the excuse that he needed to get some extra walking for the day. He had been doing some extra exercise, lately, so I let it slide.

One should not dismiss those alarm bells that go off in your mind too easily. Even though there may be a good explanation. I found myself standing at the entrance of this warehouse. Alone.

Then the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. To me that usually meant an Ygi is around somewhere. Sure enough, one appeared behind me carrying an Alth 222 blaster pointed at my midsection.

A door slam caught the Ygi’s attention. He spun and shot. Stone’s chest exploded into red goo. Stone fell back. As the Ygi turned to aim that thing at me, I took off through the door into the warehouse. Something struck the wall next to the door. I did not stop to look. I got 20 feet into the warehouse when I heard the high-pitched shrill of a second Alth 222 being activated.

I pivoted to see a second and a third Ygi preparing their weapons as they approached. I found myself inside this big warehouse being hunted by three Ygi carrying a weapon designed to cause great pain as one dies. The charges struck all around me but I managed to dodge them. My one consolation turned out to be that they couldn't hit the broadside of the warehouse.

For about 45 minutes, I found myself cut off from any escape. Yet, I managed to slip by my pursuers to make it to an exit. A shout told me that I did not have much time left.

When I opened the door, I found myself staring down the barrel of a fourth Alth 222. Before I could move, a projectile hit me in the chest. The thing is that I did not feel any pain. He fired again and again thus hitting me in the chest and stomach several times. Still, no pain.

Then I felt impacts on my back. The other Ygi caught up from behind and fired their weapons. Then the fourth Ygi in front of me fired one final shot and hit me in the face. Everything went black. After a few seconds, I inhaled through my teeth. A strawberry and cream flavor burst forth throughout my mouth. When I wiped my eyes clear and then licked my hand, my taste buds erupted with the tasty flavor once again. That is when I discovered that the projectiles were actually some type of strawberry cream concoction.

As I attempted to wrap my mind around what had just happened, the four Ygi standing around me transformed into my so-called best buddies. Then Stone walked up with a big grin on his face. He ran his finger through the red and white goo on his chest and said something about being tasty.

I agreed. The concoction tasted great. Then it hit me. I had just been “hood-winked”, as Stone would put it. My anger started to build until I licked off another bit of the treat. Then I took my shirt off and thought this was all mine.

That is when the real horror started. The others realized that they covered my shirt with all of their sweet tasting ammunition. I took off running because they looked as if they wanted to take a bite out of me. Plus, I didn't want to share the strawberry cream concoction on my shirt. Needless to say I didn't get very far.

It turns out that they needed training for an upcoming mission which requires them to take on the image of an Ygi military team. They definitely had me fooled. I spent 45 minutes in total terror trying to evade them. It also filled their need to get me back for the cemetery incident.

As I end this post, I must laugh at myself for allowing them to catch me off guard in such a manner. Also, it is imperative that I find a way to enact a better more horrifying prank on them.

In the meantime, I need to go get cleaned up. Stone's cat has detected the cream and her tongue is ripping my skin off as I entered this into the recorder.

Ouch! Get away you furry fiend. That tongue … Ouch! Stop that.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Trick or Treat

Sunday, November 01

Tement gave us the freedom to participate in the human ritual of Trick or Treat. We figured this was to be a treat. This is the one time of the year that we Varnark can go out without the use of a navdalla – transphase particle rearrangement generator. Last year we came back with a great haul of candy. This years treat turned into another trick. Let me explain.

It started off innocent enough. One of the requirements placed on us by Tement, I am to attempt to tell you what we learned about the human celebratory tradition. This was to include the obligation that we needed to observe the humans participating in the activity.

Again this year, we learned that the humans liked our costumes. We did not go out in costumes. We did not care because we found out that they are generous with their gifts of candy. If we act like little Ygi and throw a fit, we do not get much of nothing. One of the twins found this out.

Over the last few months, we kept hearing the phrase “As easy as taking candy away from a babe.” Thenal can attest that this is a falsehood. Not only the older humans look this down on this practice; those babes appear to be stronger than they look. Also, they have teeth and know how to use them.

One of them latched onto Omman’s arm and did not let go for several minutes. From that time on, he avoided most of those younglings.

We discovered that some people do not participate in this yearly ritual. We came across this couple on the riverfront on a blanket and tried to scare them and succeeded. But then they scared us. First, one of them pulled out this can and sprayed us with this awful stuff that made our eyes burn. The other one pulled out what we thought to be a weapon. I heard whizzing noise pass my ears after each bang. I guess that will be the last time we mess with nude humans on a blanket.

Overall, the night turned out to be a successful excursion into the world of humans. We raked in many treats from candy bars, popcorn balls, cookies and wrapped candies of all types.

Most of the night we got treats. We wondered when someone would pull a trick. The following morning we discovered the trick. Stone and Tement had gotten to our stash. Tement then told us the meanest part of the trick. He would only give us a few of our treats a day. Stone rubbed salt into the wound. He told us that our treats are going to save on the grocery bill. Then he said he hid our treats.

Like I said, we started of with treats but got tricked again this year. We also found out that we lost out on that costume contest. Stone won it by dressing like an Ygianan. Now, I want to bite someone.